Self-esteem critical to weight loss by Charles Platkin

Do you love yourself? What is self-esteem? Self-esteem can be a hard concept to grasp — especially if you’ve been suffering from a lifelong lack of it. It has nothing to do with arrogance, success, wealth or social status. Nor does self-esteem rely solely on what others think of you. Even the people who are most successful and revered in the eyes of others —­ heads of state, humanitarians, movie stars —­ can lack self-esteem. As the word implies, self-esteem blossoms from within — it comes from yourself. It has nothing to do with your relationship to the outside world.

Now that we’ve identified what self-esteem is not, what is it exactly?

It’s how you see yourself. Think of self-esteem as a mental image of how you feel about yourself. This image colors all your goals, moods and behaviors. Self-esteem is based on your judgment of yourself, not on other people’s assessment of you.

Self-esteem is a feeling of competency. We all harbor insecurities. Contrary to what some may think, healthy self-esteem does not mean being conceited about your abilities, nor is trying to be perfect all the time a surefire self-esteem booster. Make no mistake, healthy self-esteem is not a cure-all for life’s obstacles; it merely helps you cope with the inevitable setbacks.

Self-esteem is learned. Luckily, with a little work, we can all develop self-esteem: It flourishes from within and you do have control over it.

Weighing your self-esteem: Anyone who has ever anguished over counting calories, dreaded getting on the scale or embarked on a fad diet only to land right back where he started, knows the perils of basing self-esteem on weight. Furthermore, in a society that places so much value on looks and sets stringent (or unobtainable) standards of attractiveness, it’s difficult —­ if not impossible —­ to build healthy self-esteem that relies solely on body image. Several studies have shown a relationship between low self-esteem and eating disorders.

You eat more junk food: A lack of self-esteem has been associated with greater levels of emotional eating. The food makes you feel better — in the short run. Problem is that if you keep eating those comfort foods, you will gain weight and that will probably lower your self-esteem.

Try not to tie your self-worth to your diet: Focus on eating healthfully and setting realistic goals. Also, make sure that self-esteem doesn’t lead you astray. If you only pursue quick-fix diets or easy weight loss you won’t learn to create long-term weight-loss success.

Lack of self-esteem leads to attrition: According to researchers at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, the higher your self-esteem, the more likely you will be to stay on your diet.

The following exercises are a start toward helping to improve self-esteem.

Step 1: Talk to yourself.

This may seem corny at first, but you’ll be surprised to discover how much repeating affirmations helps to turn your negative internal dialogue into a positive frame of mind and, as a result, propels you to forge a better sense of your abilities. After all, if you hear something enough, you start to believe it. And if you believe in something enough, most likely you will make it happen.

Select an aspect of your life that causes you misery, frustration or stress. Ask yourself what you’d like to happen to relieve those painful feelings. Formulate a first-person statement: “I can handle this,” “I am doing my best,” “I am becoming healthier and more satisfied with my relationships.” Repeat the affirmation to yourself several times each day.

Step 2: Boost your goal-setting skills.

Low self-esteem hinders your ability to set goals and follow through. Unless you develop a deep belief in your own ability to change, any halfhearted efforts will fail you in the long run. Setting goals and sticking to them is what weight control is all about.

An exercise:

When you’re trying to lose weight, do you find yourself putting your whole life on hold, thinking, “If only I could shed these extra 10 pounds, I’d join a new social club, buy more attractive clothes, go back to school”? If so, it’s likely that rather than exercising, meeting new people or taking small, positive steps toward lasting lifestyle changes, you will end up just growing more and more preoccupied with calorie crunching and watching numbers on the scale.

List five things you’ve been meaning to do after you lose weight. Next time, when the weight and the excuses hold you back from pursuing a personal goal, ask yourself, “Why can’t I do it NOW?”

Refer to your “On Hold” list. For each activity or goal, consider what steps you can take to do that NOW.

Step 3: Recognize that you are more than just your weight.

How often do you use weight as a measure of character, self-respect and self-discipline? How often do you find yourself thinking: “I can’t do anything right. If only I were thinner…”?

An exercise:

To bring home the point that you’re more than just your weight, try not to make weight loss your only goal for self-improvement. Try shifting your focus to health. Ask yourself, “Do I feel more energetic?” “Do I like waking up to face a new day more than I used to?” Maybe your cholesterol has gone down or you can exercise longer. Take pride in these accomplishments. What other health, self-improvement or lasting lifestyle changes are you after? Try to come up with five.